That's mine, thank you.

Last night someone told me I was witty.

And that is perhaps the best/my-most-favorite compliment ever.

Too bad it wasn’t the guy I went on a date with.

Mental Health Day

Most days, working out makes me feel better. 

But most weeks don’t beat me up the way this one has. 

I had a list of errands to run/things to do when I left work at 5:30 tonight. I knew I wouldn’t get home and eat dinner until after 8 if I went to the gym. So I decided that today would be my mental health day from the gym. 

I’m not going to feel guilty about it. In fact, so far its been pretty great. I took my time making dinner, painted my nails, and caught up on TV while drinking wine. It all feels a bit luxurious for a Thursday, but it feels like just what I needed.

I said a few things out loud today that I’ve been thinking about for the last week. Once I said them out loud, I realized how much they’ve been weighing on me. 

I think I’ve been in such a funk this week because I have little to zero control over the things that have been bothering me. Its like an endless waiting game and I’ve decided in the last 24 hours that worrying and stressing will get me nowhere. 

It’s been rough but I’m tired of feeling this way. So here’s what I’m going to do about it:

  • I will be as proactive as I can be, despite how difficult it might be.
  • I will revel in the little, beautiful things like high-fives and hugs.
  • I’ll force myself to smile more, because it does wonders for my attitude. 
  • I will hang out with the kiddos at school, when I can, to lighten mood.
  • I will remember that my problems, while they are my own, pale in comparison to real problems. I am healthy. I am strong. I’m smart(ish). If that’s not enough for others, professionally or personally, then those aren’t the people for me. 
  • I will do nice, unexpected things for others.
  • I will relinquish control. I will do what I can, wipe my hands clean, and then wait patiently. 

Tomorrow is Friday and for that I am eternally grateful. 

xo. 

It’s been such a week that I just realized I’m wearing the same shirt I wore on Monday. 

At least it’s clean!

It’s been such a week that I just realized I’m wearing the same shirt I wore on Monday.

At least it’s clean!

wor-kout:

  • One in three women report being a victim of domestic violence (30%). 
  • One in five women report being a victim of sexual assault (20%).
  • 60% of Americans, 15 years or older, know a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault.
  • Among the 70% of women who have experienced domestic violence and told somebody about it, more than half (58%) said that nobody helped them.

No more bystanding. No more ignorance. No more excuses.

No more.

I had a conversation with someone today who shared their story of sexual assault with me.

More than 30 years after the abuse ended, this person told their partner and then shared with me today.

They’ve kept their story secret for longer than I’ve been alive.

We have to make it safe to come forward. No one should have to endure sexual assault/abuse and then also carry it around as a secret.

(Source: oliviasbenson, via liftheavyrunstrong)

Today was better. Not great, but better.

Today was also leg day!!! All the heart eyes. I added in a few extra moves because I had it in me and I was waiting on machines/equipment to free up. 

I’m hoping I hurt so good tomorrow. 

Its funny. I’ve been going to this gym for nearly two years and people rarely spoke to me. But apparently, if you become a regular in the weight room, people will talk to you. Even if its just small talk about how the standing calf machine feels like its compressing your spine (it totally does). 

I’m not super into horoscopes, but given my Monday, this seems pretty spot on. 
It was quite the day. There were tears. Some of them mine. Given this rare occurrence, I’m going to blame this on hormones, exhaustion from this weekend, and waking up at 3 a.m. this morning. 
What’s worse than crying is everyone being able to tell you’ve been crying. Ugh. 
"Ms. Keser, why do your eyes look smaller? You just look different…" 
Oh, don’t mind me little one, my face is puffy and I’ve cried off all my usual makeup. That’s why I look like a hot mess. Thanks for noticing.
Don’t worry, I didn’t actually tell her that. 
After work, I lifted things. It was hard. I didn’t want to do it. But I’m glad I did. Isn’t that how it always is? 
Hey Tuesday. Come at me, bro. I’m ready. I know it’ll be better. Because I’ll make sure of it. 

I’m not super into horoscopes, but given my Monday, this seems pretty spot on. 

It was quite the day. There were tears. Some of them mine. Given this rare occurrence, I’m going to blame this on hormones, exhaustion from this weekend, and waking up at 3 a.m. this morning. 

What’s worse than crying is everyone being able to tell you’ve been crying. Ugh. 

"Ms. Keser, why do your eyes look smaller? You just look different…" 

Oh, don’t mind me little one, my face is puffy and I’ve cried off all my usual makeup. That’s why I look like a hot mess. Thanks for noticing.

Don’t worry, I didn’t actually tell her that. 

After work, I lifted things. It was hard. I didn’t want to do it. But I’m glad I did. Isn’t that how it always is? 

Hey Tuesday. Come at me, bro. I’m ready. I know it’ll be better. Because I’ll make sure of it. 

Rough day at work and what do they set in front of me? An entire pan of guacamole and a 6lb box of chips. I’ll either need a wheelchair to get out of here or I’ll need to find some willpower.

Rough day at work and what do they set in front of me? An entire pan of guacamole and a 6lb box of chips. I’ll either need a wheelchair to get out of here or I’ll need to find some willpower.

This weekend has been a whirlwind. 
Date Friday. 
Super Science Saturday at school yesterday. District wide event. Over 1,000 in attendance. It was absolute insanity. Between adrenaline, exhaustion, and no time for lunch, I was really shaky at the end. It was a lot of fun. Lots of hugs. Made space slime with a bunch of former students - one who went around campus asking where I was (!) and watched some rockets launch. 
This was immediately followed up by grocery shopping (because it’s gotta happen some time!) and getting ready for a bachelorette party. 
Ellen is the best Maid of Honor and threw quite the party. We all had buttons. Mine said, “Have you met Ellen?” and hers said, “Have you met Ryan?”
Naturally, our night ended at our usual spot and our friend at the bar hung the buttons up on the wall. 
Despite unhealthy options and the chance to go overboard, I have been pretty spot on about moderation this weekend. I’ve enjoyed myself, but didn’t overdo it. Pretty happy about that. 
There’s a serious storm happening right now which is a recipe for a lazy Sunday. I have this in the crock pot and need to make these salmon cakes today. 
If you need me, I’ll be catching up on television, Tumblr, and laundry. 

This weekend has been a whirlwind. 

  • Date Friday. 
  • Super Science Saturday at school yesterday. District wide event. Over 1,000 in attendance. It was absolute insanity. Between adrenaline, exhaustion, and no time for lunch, I was really shaky at the end. It was a lot of fun. Lots of hugs. Made space slime with a bunch of former students - one who went around campus asking where I was (!) and watched some rockets launch. 
  • This was immediately followed up by grocery shopping (because it’s gotta happen some time!) and getting ready for a bachelorette party. 
  • Ellen is the best Maid of Honor and threw quite the party. We all had buttons. Mine said, “Have you met Ellen?” and hers said, “Have you met Ryan?”
  • Naturally, our night ended at our usual spot and our friend at the bar hung the buttons up on the wall. 

Despite unhealthy options and the chance to go overboard, I have been pretty spot on about moderation this weekend. I’ve enjoyed myself, but didn’t overdo it. Pretty happy about that. 

There’s a serious storm happening right now which is a recipe for a lazy Sunday. I have this in the crock pot and need to make these salmon cakes today. 

If you need me, I’ll be catching up on television, Tumblr, and laundry. 

Y’all were pretty fantastic about my marathon post the other day and for that I am truly grateful. 
Its funny. After I finished writing it, I actually thought, “I may have just convinced myself to do this after all…” 
That’s the beauty of writing for me. Getting it all out there and figuring out my feelings as I do so. Its therapeutic. 
As a couple of you wise folks pointed out, the decision should be my own and my heart should be 100% in it. You’re absolutely right. That’s precisely why I won’t take advantage of the $65 special price unless I’m certain. 
And then I got Erin’s message. She seemed to just get me. My not wanting to train is one part reality and one part terror. I am so ridiculously afraid of training all over again - because of the physical and mental pressures, but also because I’m afraid I’ll be left feeling completely heartbroken as I was this past year. 
No, I’m not being dramatic. Most certainly not. Couldn’t be me. 
Right now, I feel 75% certain that I want to train for the Dallas Marathon. 
I DO want to be a marathoner.  Not just so I can say that I did, but because I want to prove it to myself. I want to achieve this goal I set for myself nearly two years ago.
But I won’t register until I’m sure, even if that means paying a higher price. I want to be 100% certain mentally its what I want and I need to know that I can take on this commitment again. There are some question marks about the upcoming school year and those need to be figured out before I can commit to something as big as marathon training. 
Thanks again for all your kind words and endless support!
P.S. Rachel, you won’t have wasted 0.40 cents on poster board after all (most likey).

Y’all were pretty fantastic about my marathon post the other day and for that I am truly grateful. 

Its funny. After I finished writing it, I actually thought, “I may have just convinced myself to do this after all…” 

That’s the beauty of writing for me. Getting it all out there and figuring out my feelings as I do so. Its therapeutic. 

As a couple of you wise folks pointed out, the decision should be my own and my heart should be 100% in it. You’re absolutely right. That’s precisely why I won’t take advantage of the $65 special price unless I’m certain. 

And then I got Erin’s message. She seemed to just get me. My not wanting to train is one part reality and one part terror. I am so ridiculously afraid of training all over again - because of the physical and mental pressures, but also because I’m afraid I’ll be left feeling completely heartbroken as I was this past year. 

No, I’m not being dramatic. Most certainly not. Couldn’t be me. 

Right now, I feel 75% certain that I want to train for the Dallas Marathon. 

I DO want to be a marathoner.  Not just so I can say that I did, but because I want to prove it to myself. I want to achieve this goal I set for myself nearly two years ago.

But I won’t register until I’m sure, even if that means paying a higher price. I want to be 100% certain mentally its what I want and I need to know that I can take on this commitment again. There are some question marks about the upcoming school year and those need to be figured out before I can commit to something as big as marathon training. 

Thanks again for all your kind words and endless support!

P.S. Rachel, you won’t have wasted 0.40 cents on poster board after all (most likey).

Its been a rather terrific Thursday, folks, but it didn’t start that way. 

Top two are for my siblings, because National Siblings Day or something. My twin brother and I have chicken pox in that first picture and yet, I’m still really excited about something. I guess I’ve always been the more enthusiastic of the two of us. Then my sister and I. I can’t even begin with this one. We grew up giving each other shit, grew into practically hating one another, and now we’re the best of friends. See y’all, change is good. 

Here’s a quick list of awesome things from today: 

  • I took a VMars quiz and got Wallace. I’m not badass enough for Veronica, let’s be real so I’m pretty ecstatic with this. I would have also accepted Mac.
  • As I was running around school today I was ATTACKED with hugs. Other teachers were even commenting. I was SO happy. 
  • Then a little boy was having a tough day so his teacher had him wear a little sign that said, “Free Hugs.” He got my twirly hug x2. We both were happier afterwards. 
  • The front office ladies lip-synching Wilson Phillips. Which (naturally) led me to reenacting the food poisoning scene from Bridesmaids for my principal. So much laughing. 
  • If you follow me on Instagram (rykeser), you’ll know we’ve got some baby chicks hatching at school right now!
  • My principal saying, “I’m not trying to be weird or anything. And don’t be offended…” PAUSE. I just kept thinking, “Oh shit, where is this going…” She starts again, “But your ass is shrinking!” I could have kissed her for saying that. 
  • On Melissa’s genius recommendation, I whipped this Cumin-Lime Chickpea Salad up last night to counter the fact that I’m constantly hungry as of late. Its so damn delicious that I bragged to a couple of people about it, made my principal and vice principal try it, and sent the recipe to some peeps. 
  • LIveFit Trainer called for a second day of whatever muscle group you want to work on - LEGS! My legs were still a bit tired from Monday, but I seriously love leg day. I don’t feel like an idiot around the weights on leg day and even what I was able to squat/lift/etc surprised me today!
  • The security guard at school and I always talk about nutrition and working out. I told him I was in the market for a shaker cup, but hadn’t found one at my usual stores. But I have to look no more! He saw one at the store and picked it up for me. I work with the best of people. 
  • Also, other trainers at the gym are starting to awkwardly say hi to me. I’m not sure why this makes me happy, but it does. 

I’m sorry I’m not sorry that my “awesome” list is so long. :)